I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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