Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You are the jesus of drinking
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
