Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
