STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
