While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
