one word: firstdatebathroomanal
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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