laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
