I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
What a dumb baby whore.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
