she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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