Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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