You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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