I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My liver just had a heart attack.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
