u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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