Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
