You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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