she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
