Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
