6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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