these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
