Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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