Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
