How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
