All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
