her vagine was all disorganized.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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