Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
