Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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