VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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