Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
