My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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