last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
