i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
