This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
