His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
