I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
