Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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