Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
