it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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