on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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