From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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