Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
