She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
