i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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