mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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