I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
