i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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