shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
