i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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