just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
More tranny stories later!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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