he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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