I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
