You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
